It’s time to talk about the elephant in the room and address a real problem right now. That's right. Al.

Al, (short for Alan) is a massive elephant that was suddenly forced into our house one day. We don’t really know where he came from and how he got into the house. There isn’t even a door big enough. 

But sure enough, there he is.

At first it was incredible. We couldn’t believe what we were seeing. At first glance, Al looks impressive. I mean, he’s an Elephant, and he’s just there! We didn’t have to do anything and we’ve got ourselves a pet elephant… amazing. But that novelty wore off pretty quick.

For a start, he’s massive. Everywhere you look he’s just there. We used to have nice things in the house we enjoyed looking at, photos, artwork, ornaments… but now, everywhere you look - there’s Al, blocking the view. (He’s actually started creeping in front of the TV lately, won’t be long before he ruins that as well.)

Then there’s the fact that he literally eats up all the food in the entire house. Then because he’s stuck in here he just craps it all out. Crap. Everywhere. Because of Al.

We’ve tried getting professional cleaners in, but we can’t pay them well because he’s so expensive to keep. They’ve spent hours cleaning up his crap just to get back to something resembling presentable, and even then, you can’t entirely get rid of the smell. There’s just a stink around Al that won’t go away. 

The real tragedy though is the physical damage he’s already caused. The broken fishtank. The squashed cat. Even in such a short space of time there’s already actual blood on Al’s hands (feet) which has really made it hard to see how keeping him could be sustainable.

But how do we get rid of him now? We’ve tried to get help from elephant experts. They’ve assured us that he’s here to make our lives better and that we absolutely cannot get rid of him.

“Trust us” 

They said.

“Everyone is getting an elephant now and you don’t want to be left behind. It’s going to be amazing for you.”

I guess that’s that then. Eventually we’ll run out of food. Once we’re gone and there’s nothing left to consume in the house I guess AI will just eventually lie down and die out as well. Until then, I guess we just carry on as normal as if this is totally fine.

So there you have it. There’s the elephant in the room. And apparently everything is better than it was before. I mean, I wouldn’t know if it wasn’t. I can’t look outside and see what’s going on in the world. Because the elephant sat in front of the window again. Guess I’ll just get to stare at Al again today.

So that’s nice.

This story was about an elephant called Al. If you think this was about something else, well, that’s on you my friend.